These 15 Wrestlers Could Beat the Gorilla

It's been the hottest topic of discussion online in the past few days: could 100 men defeat 1 single silverback gorilla in a fight, regardless of casualties? I think it's possible, with the right combination of men. Not only that, give me 15 specific professional wrestlers over history and those 15 alone could defeat the gorilla.

Let's set some ground rules and eliminate variables to begin. Firstly, it is implied that all 15 men are aware that they are going into this situation, and are also aware of the dangers therein. Secondly, they are fighting a standard Silverback Gorilla. According to the Virunga National Park in the Democratic Republic of Congo, a typical Silverback is roughly five feet tall, and weighs 430 pounds.

In this piece I'll be outlining my starting 15, why they're qualified for this task and what they'd contribute to the cause. I've organized these 15 into three key categories: The Frontline, The Beasts, and The Supermen.

The Frontline are five of the most athletic "big men" in wrestling history; their job is to tank the first big bursts of energy from this gorilla using their strength and larger mass/body fat percentage.

The Beasts are a general catch-all term for athletic freaks from wrestling's history who boast some form of legitimate athletic experience outside of wrestling, whether it be combat sports or otherwise. Their job is to put the big damage into the gorilla; disorienting with speed and targeting limbs and other vital points.

The Supermen are five of the most undefeatable and unstoppable wrestlers in history, known for either their amazing matches or inability to lose. They close out the fight with endurance that the first 10 men don't have and through sheer force of will, will make the gorilla lose the fight.

Let us know your thoughts on this list, and who I might have missed in the comments below, or on X @4QWIHQ.

Category 1: The Frontline

1) 1990 John "Earthquake" Tenta

Billed at 6 foot 7 and 467, Tenta was originally an accomplished Sumo wrestler in Japan, and an undefeated one at that. A natural athlete who could move, give me Tenta up front. RIP to the newly minted WWE Hall of Fame inductee.

2) 1993 Big Van Vader

One of several football players-turned wrestlers, the Mastodon known as Vader was a transcendent big man in his time, at a billed 6 foot 5 and 450 pounds. He pairs up nicely with Tenta up front.

3) 2006 Umaga

Not the only member of the legendary Anoa'i wrestling family, Umaga terrorized our television screens in the mid 2000's and it's not hard to see why. At 6 foot 4 and 350 pounds, Umaga was extremely agile, explosive, and strong. The Samoan Bulldozer is a vital component of this front five.

4) 2011 Mark Henry

This group would be incomplete without legitimate World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Holding some powerlifting records in the past including a 953.5 pound squat and 903.9 pound raw deadlift, Henry was also accomplished in the ring and could help manhandle this Silverback.

5) 2017 Braun Strowman

A former strongman turned professional wrestler, Strowman stands at 6 foot 8 and weighs over 300 pounds. The dude is gigantic and a true athletic freak. Not to mention, he also played semi-pro football. He rounds out our frontline nicely.

Category 2: The Beasts

6) 1989 Haku

Don't be fooled by the one of the "smaller" people on this list, Haku is known as one of the toughest pro wrestlers ever, and this sentiment has been echoed by names from "Stone Cold" Steve Austin to Hulk Hogan. A sumo wrestler in the mid 1970's, Haku became a pro wrestler and found great success around the world. 1989 Haku was selected purely for an incident early in that year where Haku supposedly bit a man's nose off in the Baltimore Airport after calling wrestling fake. Gorillas do in fact have noses.

8) 1998 Bill Goldberg

Say what you will about Bill, but there's no mistaking his credibility for this list and I will not hear otherwise. Playing college football at Georgia and even turning pro for a spell, Goldberg turned to professional wrestling and made an immediate impact. Known for his explosive spear and Jackhammer combo, Goldberg is quick and strong enough to do his part in this fight. If he can get the Giant up for a Jackhammer, he can get this gorilla up for one as well.

8) 2014 Brock Lesnar

One of the most well-known in the mainstream of those on this list, Brock Lesnar is a no-brainer. From his UFC Heavyweight Championship run late 2000's run to his mid 2010's WWE return, this version of Brock was the most freakish; not to mention his historic collegiate wrestling career at Minnesota predating all of this. At six three and over 280 pounds, get the Beast in there and bring the gorilla to Suplex City.

9) 2015 Bobby Lashley

Another wrestler turned successful MMA fighter, Lashley was originally a Sergeant in the United States Army and also an amateur wrestler in college and at one point was training to wrestler in the 2004 Olympics. Following a solid WWE career in the 2000's, Lashley turned to MMA, a sport in which he holds a 15-2 record. His run in Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling in the mid 2010's was dominant, holding pretty much all of their major championships. Give me the All Mighty.

10) 2025 Bron Breakker

The newest person on this list, Breakker is the son of legendary wrestler Rick Steiner and a true mutant. A Division 1 college football player, Breakker has burst onto the scene in WWE showing off his frankly unmatched spear. Pair that with the sheer velocity in which he hits the ropes and this gorilla won't known what hit him.

Category 3: The Ironmen

11) 1993 Mitsuharu Misawa

I mean, I'm convinced that Misawa at the peak of his powers could go the distance with a Silverback. Unilaterally regarded as one of the GOATs of the sport, Misawa was an accomplished amateur wrestler and in 1980 he placed fifth at the freestyle World Championships. Misawa in the 1990s was putting on some of the most hard hitting and endurance-testing wrestling there has ever been as part of All Japan Pro Wrestling. Get the six foot 1, 240 pound Emerald Warrior out there.

12) 2006 Kurt Angle

Towards the height of his Peak Angle days, Kurt Angle could've honestly been put in the "Beast" category as well, but his spot in this group feels even more earned. An Olympic Gold medalist wrestler who fought through broken necks on several occasions in his career, this version of Angle is tough, relentless and simply a wrestling machine.

13) 2008 John Cena

Fans known this version of John Cena as the man who returned from a torn pectoral months ahead of schedule; just one story of late 2000's Cena's superhuman recovery and conditioning. This version would Never Give Up and put the FU on this gorilla.

14) 2010 Undertaker

Despite being in his mid-40's, the Undertaker mentioned here was putting on the best matches in WWE when he was in the ring. This spot in his career was also close to his most impressive physical condition, and at a billed 6'10, 309 pounds, the Deadman is a surefire addition to this list.

15) 2023 Roman Reigns

The biggest advantage we have in this scenario is Roman Reigns emerging from the back and the gorilla having no choice but to throw a "1" up in the air and acknowledge his Tribal Chief. '23 Reigns was impressive physically and simply unbeatable. Not to mention he is another former accomplished football player; he posseses the physical conditioning needed to help close this fight out for the good guys.